just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Drake has all the answers
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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