You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
whose ass print is on the piano?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
