we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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