I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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