Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i dont even know how to be here
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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