How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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