FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
