apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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