I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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