who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
