um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
