a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
