Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
