For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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