Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
