I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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