Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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