somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
