I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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