Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
