haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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