he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
