I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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