I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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