Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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