U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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