She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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