well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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