god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
