Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
