i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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