We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
where does the pee come out of this thing
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
