I just pynch a tree in the face
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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