I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Never joke about your clitoris.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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