Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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