mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Pooping to opera.
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