I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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