I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
