I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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