I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
