Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
