Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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