he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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