does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Cover your peen. We're going out.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
