I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
