The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
