The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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