Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
