You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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