At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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