I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
