How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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