He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
