she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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