I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
