why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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