So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
