Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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