girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
