I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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