I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
