Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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