i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
