It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
