If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
