Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
