So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
