Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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