Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
