I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
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