Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
