We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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