I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
