none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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