Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I wish I only lived at night.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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