I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
