can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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